How to Relax Without Alcohol: Switches vs Seeds

Have you ever noticed how much of what we do is really about how we want to feel?

We want to feel relaxed, happy, connected, safe and comfortable. And other times, we're trying to move away from feelings we don't particularly want to experience, like stress, boredom, anxiety, grief or overwhelm.

And I think this is so important when we're looking at our relationship with alcohol.

Because so often, it's not actually the alcohol we're looking for. It's the feeling we believe that drink is going to give us.

Think about that glass of wine at the end of a long day. Perhaps it's become the thing you look forward to because it signals that the day is finally done, that you can switch off, that you can relax.

But what if we could begin finding those feelings in other ways? And what if, instead of simply replacing alcohol with another quick fix, we began creating habits that genuinely help us feel better over time?

I want to share a concept I absolutely love, and it's called Switches vs Seeds.

Switches: The things we reach for to feel better quickly

Think about a light switch. You flick it on, and immediately something changes.

And there are lots of things we do in our lives that work a little like that.

Pouring a glass of wine, for example. Alcohol can change how we feel quite quickly. Perhaps it temporarily takes the edge off a stressful day, numbs some uncomfortable emotions, or gives us that little feeling of finally, I can relax.

It's like flicking on a switch. For a little while, the worries seem quieter and the stress feels less overwhelming. But of course, none of those things have actually disappeared. We've just temporarily changed how we're experiencing them.

And there are lots of other switches too. Scrolling on our phones, watching television, reaching for something sweet.

Now, not all switches are bad! Sometimes we genuinely need a little immediate relief or pleasure. And trust me, I'm all for a Netflix binge now and then. I love it!

But here's where I think it's worth getting curious.

Some switches give us relief in the moment, but come with a pretty big price tag afterwards.

We know that with alcohol. We might feel better temporarily, only to feel more anxious, tired or flat afterwards.

And I've noticed this with other things too. Sometimes watching television for a couple of hours is exactly what I need. Other times, I get up feeling even more tired and unmotivated than before.

So the invitation isn't to label switches as good or bad. It's simply to ask ourselves, What am I hoping this will give me? And is it actually giving me what I need?

Because sometimes a little immediate relief is exactly what we need. But other times, we might be reaching for a quick fix when what we really need is something that nourishes us more deeply.

And that's where seeds come in.

Seeds: The little habits that help us feel better over time

Think about planting a seed. You plant it, water it, tend to it, and often you don't see the results immediately. But over time, something begins to grow. And eventually that little seed can produce something far greater than what you originally planted.

And I think there are so many practices in our lives that work like this.

Switches change how we feel in the moment. Seeds help us build greater wellbeing over time.

Take exercise, for example. Perhaps you've had a really stressful day and the last thing you feel like doing is going for a walk. It might take some effort to put on your shoes and get out the door.

But often, once you're out there, you begin to feel better.

And when you make walking or exercising a regular part of your life, you're not just helping yourself feel better in that moment. You're also supporting your physical health, emotional wellbeing, sleep and resilience over time.

You're planting a seed.

And the same can be true for so many other things. Prayer, journaling, practising gratitude, breathwork, spending time in nature, nourishing our bodies, building meaningful relationships, learning to rest.

These are all things that can support us in the moment, but also begin to produce benefits over time.

And sometimes the things that will nourish us in the long run actually require us to tolerate a little discomfort in the short term.

Like going for that walk when we'd much rather sit on the couch. Or having an honest conversation when we'd rather avoid conflict. Or choosing to sit with an uncomfortable emotion rather than immediately trying to make it go away.

And I think this is such an important part of changing our relationship with alcohol.

Because we're learning that we don't always have to immediately change how we feel.

Sometimes we can allow a feeling just to be there, knowing it will pass, while choosing something that supports us in the long term.

And I love that because we're not just trying to feel better for the next half an hour.

We're learning to build lives in which we genuinely feel better.

And of course, some things can be both switches and seeds!

That walk might help you feel better immediately, but also supports your wellbeing over time. Listening to music might shift your mood in the moment, but it could also be something that makes space for more joy and enjoyment in your everyday life.

So again, this isn't about creating another list of good things and bad things.

It's about becoming more intentional.

Are the things I'm reaching for helping me build the life I actually want to live?

What the parable of the sower taught me about growth

You know, I've been spending some time in Matthew 13, where Jesus shares the parable of the sower.

And something that really struck me is that the seed is the same, but the soil makes all the difference.

Now, in this parable, Jesus is specifically talking about the seed of God's Word and how the condition of our hearts affects whether it takes root and bears fruit.

He describes how some seeds fall among thorns. Although they begin to grow, the thorns eventually choke them.

And when Jesus explains what those thorns represent, He talks about the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth.

Oh my goodness, that stopped me in my tracks.

Because how often do I allow the worries of this world, the busyness, the striving and the need to get everything done, to crowd out the very things that nourish my relationship with God?

How often am I so busy trying to create a good life that I neglect the very things that make life good?

I am so guilty of this.

And it's made me wonder whether sometimes I need to spend less time trying to produce more fruit and more time simply tending to the soil.

Making space for prayer, for rest, for His Word. For simply being with Him and trusting that the growth and the fruit will come from Him, not from my anxious striving.

And I think there's a beautiful principle here for the other seeds we're planting in our lives too.

Sometimes the most fruitful thing we can do isn't to try harder to grow, but to create the conditions in which growth can happen.

Perhaps that means simplifying our evenings, saying no to something that's draining us, getting more rest or making space for meaningful connection.

Because we can have all the best intentions, but if our lives are so crowded with busyness, worry and striving, those little seeds might struggle to flourish.

And I love the reminder that we don't have to manufacture the fruit. We can tend to the soil, plant the seeds and trust God with the growth.

How to begin building an alcohol-free evening routine

So let's make this really practical.

What are some seeds we could begin planting in our evenings, especially if we've become used to reaching for a glass of wine to relax or switch off?

Perhaps it's taking a walk after work, or spending ten minutes journaling. Perhaps it's putting on some beautiful music while you're cooking dinner, taking a few moments to pray, making yourself a nourishing meal, calling a friend, or getting outside into nature.

Or perhaps it's simply learning to say no to something that creates a simpler, less taxing evening.

And remember, seeds don't have to be big things.

In fact, I think the smaller and more manageable they are, the better. Because we're trying to create practices that we can return to and build upon over and over again.

And I think that's something we can so easily forget when we're changing our relationship with alcohol.

We can become so focused on what we're trying not to do. Not drinking, not giving in to the urge, not falling back into old patterns.

But what about what we're growing in its place?

What about those little practices that help us feel more peaceful, more connected, more joyful and more alive?

Because alcohol freedom isn't just about removing something from our lives. It's about creating a life that we genuinely love living.

And that doesn't happen overnight. It happens through those small, intentional choices repeated over time.

One little seed at a time.

A little Switches vs Seeds experiment for this week

So here's what I'd love to invite you to experiment with this week.

First, just begin noticing your switches. When you're tired, stressed, overwhelmed or uncomfortable, what do you instinctively crave or reach for to help yourself feel better?

And please, no judgement. We're just getting curious.

What are you hoping that switch will give you? Is it relief, comfort, rest or a little bit of joy? And how well is that working for you, friend?

Then I'd love you to think about the seeds you're already planting in your life, because I'm sure there are some.

What little practices, habits or relationships are already helping you grow in peace, joy and freedom?

And finally, what's one small seed you could begin planting in your evenings this week?

Just one.

Perhaps it's five minutes outside after work. Perhaps it's putting your phone away a little earlier. Perhaps it's spending a few quiet moments with God before the evening begins.

Choose something small and manageable and give yourself permission to experiment with it.

And remember, friends, we're not trying to overhaul our entire lives overnight. We're not adding another long list of things we should be doing.

We're simply learning to become more intentional about what we're nourishing in our lives.

And for those of us walking with God, we're learning to make space for Him to do what only He can do.

Because alcohol freedom isn't just about taking something away.

It's about what we're growing in its place.

One small seed at a time. 💛

Cheering you on!

Rina xx

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